


Chasing New Dreams

by whoneedsapublisher



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Adult Life, F/F, Mentioned Kousaka Honoka/Sonoda Umi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28321236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoneedsapublisher/pseuds/whoneedsapublisher
Summary: Years later, Nico is no longer an idol, and neither is Kotori. Both of them have their own lives and their own aspirations. But one day, their paths cross again, and things begin to change.
Relationships: Minami Kotori/Yazawa Nico
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Chasing New Dreams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ottermelon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ottermelon/gifts).



> A secret santa gift for Ottermelon!

Ugh. What a day.

It all started with her being rudely awoken by her phone and confronted with a sob story about multiple people being sick and the shop being understaffed on a busy day. Considering that Nico had been up late practicing for a role, she was just about ready to tell her manager exactly where he could shove his extra shift, but he enchanted her with the four magic words that no struggling actress could resist: time and a half.

And so, with significantly less than her daily recommended allotment of beauty sleep, Nico rolled out of bed and got ready for a shift that proved to be just as busy as advertised, and ran way longer than it should have- giving her only enough time to get home, shower, and change before heading out to her audition.

An audition which, to her dismay, turned out to be run by an absolute diva of a director who made everyone read a ridiculous number of extra lines, do every scene with five different emotions, and kept demanding restarts half-way through. By the time it was over, Nico wasn’t even sure if she was hoping to get the call back, or if she’d be happier to have bombed it and never seeing that pretentious moron ever again.

Between that nightmare and her extended shift, she’d been working for something in the range of fourteen hours, and she was ready for this day to be over.

She took her time on the way home, more out of a lack of energy to rush than anything else, and fond herself tempted by the various restaurants and cafes she passed. After all, it wasn’t like she really wanted to cook herself dinner after all that, and she _had_ just worked a _lot_ of extra hours at time and a half. She could afford to get takeout just for tonight, right?

Just as she decided that yes, she could afford and more important yes, she did deserve it, Nico spotted a small place tucked between a coffee shop and a florist. _Le Café du Chat_ , with a little picture of a black cat on the sign. It was definitely _some_ kind of foreign language, which was not a good sign for the price, but Nico still paused long enough to look at the menu. Surprisingly, the prices seemed pretty reasonable, and while Nico was definitely not entirely sure what half of the names actually meant, the descriptions didn’t mention anything like snails or pudding made of blood or whatever weird stuff Western people liked.

So she wandered inside. There were no tables, just a counter to order at and a couple chairs to sit in while you waited, which worked perfectly fine for Nico. She rang the bell on the counter, and a voice came from the back.

“Just a minute!”

A young woman bustled out from the door leading to what must be the kitchen. “Hi, sorry,” she said. “Can I take your order?”

“Could I have the, uh, le… montaganu…?” Nico said, stumbling over the odd word. “And some, um, pom… pom fri… some fries?”

“Of course,” the girl said, smiling evenly and not correcting Nico’s pronunciation. “That’ll be 1180 yen. It’ll be ready in ten minutes or so, if you just want to wait over there.”

1200 yen (the extra 20 went into a tip jar, which earned Nico a quick smile from the woman who had taken her order before she vanished back behind the door) wasn’t exactly a bargain, but it wasn’t totally unreasonable. Besides, this was a western place, right? The portions were probably big. And she  _ did  _ deserve something nice today, even if It meant paying a bit of a markup.

Nico comforted herself with these rationalisations as she waited in the mildly uncomfortable wooden chair, checking her phone and absently tapping out a beat on the windowsill with her fingers.

“Sorry for the wait,” a very familiar voice said. “Your food is ready!”

No. No, it couldn’t be.

Nico looked up in disbelief.

Standing there, holding a plastic bag and looking over at Nico with an unshakeable customer service smile was-

“Kotori?!” Nico said incredulously. “I thought you were in France!”

Kotori had always been good at holding a smile. It was one of her best idol talents, and she hadn’t gotten any worse it at since they’d last met. Nevertheless, Nico could see her smile becoming slightly strained. “Well, I’m not!” she said simply, setting the bag down on the counter. “Here’s your food!”

“Wait wait wait,” Nico said, getting up as Kotori turned to flee back into the kitchen. “When did you get back? What happened to studying abroad? Why didn’t any of the others tell me about this?”

Kotori hesitated a little, her shoulders stiffening.

“Well… probably because they don’t know,” she said.

More specifically, Honoka and Umi didn’t know. And it wasn’t like Honoka and Umi would fall out of contact with Kotori… which meant she was probably lying to them. By omission, if nothing else. The little bell above the door rang as another customer came in.

Nico sighed.

There was a story here, but it wasn’t probably wasn’t one Kotori wanted to talk about when she was on the clock. And Nico wasn’t going to cause a scene in front of some random guy who just wanted dinner.

“...Have a nice evening,” she said, taking her bag and turning to leave.

“You too, ma’am,” Kotori said, before turning to the new customer. “Hello! Welcome to Le Café du Chat, how can I help you?

* * *

The food was pretty good, as it turned out, but Nico was a little too preoccupied to really enjoy it.

The last Nico had heard, Kotori had just graduated from whatever French college she was at- she’d told Nico what it was in an email at some point, but Nico couldn’t remember the word and couldn’t have pronounced it even if she did- and was diving into the fashion industry. Nico hadn’t heard much about what Kotori had done since, but she figured she was just busy. And considering how busy she was herself between managing to graduate and picking up a new prospective career, she hadn’t done a lot to reach out. It wasn’t like her and Kotori never talked, it was just that Kotori never really had any updates on how things were going. “Same ol’ same ol’!” she’d say. “Haven’t made it yet!”

It was a sentiment that Nico was familiar with. It wasn’t how she answered that question, of course- Nico always had a rant ready about the latest director who’d been stupid enough to snub her obvious talent- but she recognized the feeling behind that phrase. The endless trudging through failed attempt after failed attempt.

Or at least Nico had _thought_ she’d recognised that feeling. She’d _thought_ that Kotori was managing a living out there in France, submitting designs and pushing through rejection just like Nico. 

So how the hell had she ended up working at a cafe back in Japan?

Unsurprisingly, her dinner didn’t have any answers for her, and neither did her pillow, no matter how deeply she buried her head in it.

Forget it. This day had been long enough already. She refused to let herself be kept up all night worrying about this. She could think about it about in the morning.

The last thing that crossed Nico’s mind as she drifted off to sleep was one last idle thought, the feeling that had been drifting around the back of her head, buried by more immediate worries.

...It had been nice to see Kotori again.

* * *

Unfortunately, Nico didn’t get the chance to do much of anything the next morning. Yesterday had supposed to have been her day off, and doing an unplanned shift then didn’t erase her planned shift the following day. Luckily it was only a normal shift that awaited her, not endless overtime and a perpetual rush hour. When she clocked out and headed home, it was only mid afternoon.

Not that her day was over, of course. Even if she hadn’t heard back about the role from the last night, Nico Yazawa was not one to sit on her heels. There were other roles to audition for, and she’d gotten hold of a script that she needed to start memorizing for later in the week. She’d already skimmed her role, so as she walked home, she mentally rehearsed how she should present the character. Should she play her meekness straight, or frame it as a ploy? Should her body language be fearful or toadying?

She wasn’t so deep in thought that she risked bumping into any lamposts, but it was fair to say that Nico was a little zoned out as she approached her apartment. That was probably why she didn’t notice anything amiss when she got to the top of the steps.

“Hi, Nico.”

Kotori’s voice jolted Nico out of her contemplation, and she looked up at her in disbelief. Kotori smiled at her and waved.

“...You know, most people would call first,” Nico said.

“Ehehehe,” Kotori said. “I thought, you know, seize the moment! But, um, I didn’t consider that you might not be in.”

“How long have you been there anyway?” Nico asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Only like ten minutes!” Kotori said. “Or maybe twenty. I got caught up in a phone game, so I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Nico rolled her eyes.

“Well, I guess you might as well come in, then,” she said, stepping past Kotori and digging out her keys

As soon as she opened the door, Kotori gasped.

“Wow, your place is so cute, Nico!” she gushed, leaning down to look at the kitten designs on Nico’s shoe rack. “It fits you perfectly.”

“Well, I try,” Nico said, allowing herself to be flattered. Just a little. Maybe just a little more when Kotori moved on to complimenting the key tray.

It wasn’t as if Nico spent much of her limited disposable income on decorating, but sometimes when she was in second hand stores she’d find something in her budget that was just too cute to resist, and over time, things like that had started to pile up. Having Kotori be so enthralled by the various little things she had around her house was strangely validating. Especially since it was Kotori, who’d always had an eye for cuteness.

“Do you want a drink or anything?” Nico asked, as much to stop herself from just basking in admiration as anything else.

“Sure!” Kotori said, as she peered admiringly at a pink lamp. “I got all thirsty waiting for Nico in the hot sun… I could really use some water.”

Nico rolled her eyes. “You were in the shade,” she said. “And it was your own fault anyway.”

“Well, I’m still thirsty.”

Nico brought her a glass of water, and then as Kotori took a big gulp, Nico settled into her one armchair, shifting it a little to face the couch. Like most of her furniture, it was far from new, but it was perfectly serviceable. Even if it had taken nearly a full day after she’d bought it of washing, scrubbing, and sewing to get to that state.

“So, what do you want?” Nico asked, crossing her arms and looking at Kotori expectantly. 

“So cruel... “ Kotori said. “Aren’t we friends, Nico? I wanted to come hang out! We haven’t seen each other in years!”

“Uh huh. And how long have you been back in Japan and not tried to meet up with me?”

“Well…” Kotori said, drooping a little. “I didn’t really want anyone to know I was back…” She brightened up. “But now you know anyway, so it’s fine!”

“What kind of logic is that?” Nico said.

“It’s fine, I said!” Kotori insisted. “...Also,” she added, a little more quietly. “Please don’t tell the others.”

Nico could have asked why. She could have demanded to know what was going on, and she could have even used telling Honoka and Umi as leverage. But instead, she just rolled her eyes.

“I’m not one of those boring celebrities who posts about what they’re up to every day on Twitter,” she said. “I don’t go around reporting everything that happens in my life to Honoka.”

“But you used to post all kinds of stuff on the μ’s twitter…”

“ That was  _ promotion _ !” Nico insisted. “Idol fans eat that stuff up, Kotori! You have to let them think they’re seeing behind the scenes without actually spoiling the illusion!”

“Oh!” Kotori said. “Speaking of idols, let’s watch an idol concert together! We haven’t done that since high school, have we? You still have some recorded ones around, right?”

“You realize you’re talking to someone who gave up on their idol career, right?” Nico said. “Maybe I threw all of them out when switched to acting.”

“Hmmm,” Kotori said. “That doesn’t seem much like you, Nico…”

Nico sighed. “Alright, fine, I have a _few_ DVDs,” she said reluctantly. “But I do actually have things to do today, you know.”

“Whaat? I thought you just finished work?” Kotori said.

“I have an audition to practice for,” Nico said. “I can’t spent all my time playing around with you just because you’re bored. One hour, alright? _Only_ one hour.”

* * *

Kotori was right. It had been a long time since they last watched idols together.

In that time, Nico had forgotten just how fun it was. All of μ’s were idols, of course, so they all had some level of interest in other idols, if only as competitors to study and learn from. But of the nine, only three of them were really idol _fans_ as much as they were idols. Nico, of course, Hanayo, and lastly, Kotori.

Kotori wasn’t a long time fan of idols like Nico and Hanayo, and as far as Nico knew, she didn’t really collect merch the same way as the two of them either. But Kotori was undeniably a fan of idols when it came to their outfits. Nico, of course, was interested in outfits as well. Whenever her and Kotori watched a concert together they’d always end up talking about the outfits, arguing over the choices the producers had made and what improvements they’d make if _they’d_ been in charge.

It was so fun, in fact, that Nico let herself be persuaded to go a little bit over time. And then a little bit _more_ over time.

By the time Nico shooed Kotori out of her house and told her to “go find something useful to do with your time instead of trying to sabotage promising young actresses,” it had been closer to three hours than one.

Ugh. Well, at least she still had _some_ time to practice before she had to go out shopping and then start cooking…

* * *

Nico was sitting on the couch, trying to convince herself that she was glad that she didn’t get a callback from that asshole director who demanded all the redos last week, when all of a sudden the doorbell rang.

That was… unusual. All of her neighbours kept to themselves, and she wasn’t expecting a delivery.

Curious, and eager for a distraction from her brooding, she got up and glanced through the peephole.

Standing outside her door with a cheerful smile on her face and a large bag in her hands was Kotori.

Nico opened the door.

“What the heck are you doing here? What do you want now?”

Kotori pouted. “You’re so mean, Nico,” she said. “You asked that last time, too! Aren’t we friends?”

“That’s the same thing _you_ said last time as well,” Nico said. “And what I also said last time is that people usually call first.”

“That’s no fun,” Kotori said.

“And waiting outside all day is?” Nico asked. “If you’d done this tomorrow it’d be more than six hours before I got home.”

“Good thing I did it today, then!” Kotori said. “Come on, let’s play!” She held up her bag. “I brought a board game.”

Nico rolled her eyes. “Alright, alright, come in,” she said.

The game turned out to be pretty complicated. It was something Kotori had brought back from France, so the instructions were all in French… which meant Kotori had to explain how the game worked. Kotori was good at a lot of things, but  _ explaining  _ was not one of them. Even half way through the game, Nico still barely understood what was going on, and she was none too happy when she ended up losing because of a rule that Kotori had forgotten to tell her about, and immediately demanded a rematch.

Still, it was all… a lot of fun. Nico wouldn’t say that she had been living a joyless life lately or anything, but hanging out with Kotori made her realize that there’d been a hole in her life that she hadn’t noticed growing. She was so busy with working and practicing and auditioning almost every day, and when she wasn’t doing that, she was resting or catching up on chores. Even when she did see friends, it was always only for lunch or to do something specific. When was the last time that she’d done something as casual as just hanging out and playing a game without scheduling everything out ahead of time, and probably leaving early for an audition? And yet, twice in a row, Kotori had managed to sneak into her schedule without prior notice, and both times, she’d enjoyed it.

This time, Kotori left after the second game, claiming that she had a shift starting soon, despite Nico’s accusations that she was just running away now that Nico actually knew how to play.

It was probably for the best, anyway. Nico really did need to get some more practice in before the audition tomorrow morning. But she couldn’t help but want to spend just a little more time playing around with Kotori.

...No. No, she couldn’t let herself get caught up in that. She had a dream. It might be her second dream, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t important. She was happy to see Kotori again, but she wasn’t going to put aside her ambitions for it.

She picked up the script and started to read aloud as she gestured along with it.

* * *

Nico’s heart leapt into her chest when she saw the number that was calling her.

She’d been in a fairly unlucky period lately. For more than a month and a half, she hadn’t gotten a single role, not even a minor one, and the last notable one she’d gotten had more than half a year ago. But now her luck was starting to turn. She’d gotten callbacks about a couple minor walk-in appearances in dramas, which were solid work, and now there was someone on the line who might have even better news.

“Hello?” she said.

“Is this Nico Yazawa?” a prim voice said.

“Yes, that’s me,” Nico said. Once upon a time, those words would have been followed with “from would μ’s?” and would have made her wince internally. Another minor idol job she was only getting because someone knew her old group, not because they recognised her solo talent. Now, though, she highly doubted that anyone she was interacting with professionally would remember a random idol group that disbanded years ago.

“ This is Akiko Sakamori, calling from TV Tokyo Metobabe. I’m just calling to let you know that you’ve been selected for second round auditions for the role of Junko Komine in  _ Sounds of Home _ . The auditions will be taking place three weeks from now, on the 12th at 7PM, at same location as the initial audition, Metobabe Central, room 486. Is that alright with you?”

“Yes, I can make it to that,” Nico said, fighting to keep her voice calm. Pretend it’s a role, pretend you’re just _acting_ like a calm, confident woman…

“Excellent. Best of luck, then. Have a nice day.”

The line went dead, and Nico carefully made sure that the call had ended before she let out a whoop of joy.

Every once in a while, Nico applied for a role she didn’t think there was any way she could get. She didn’t do it very often- getting consistent work and circulating her name was more important than gambling on longshots, and if she wasted all her practice time on long-odds auditions she’d miss out on roles she could actually get.

But being a little ambitious now and again couldn’t hurt. So sometimes, when she saw a role that she knew was too big for her but would really like to get, she put in her name, and practiced for the role, and attended the audition, knowing that she was probably just wasting precious time, but refusing to back down regardless.

One of those roles had been playing the older sister in a character drama. She hadn’t been sent anything so luxurious as a full script, but from her understanding, the older sister was a complex, tortured character, who plotted against her younger sibling while secretly hoping for her own plans to fail, wishing one day for her sister’s death and the next for her own. It wasn’t a starring role, but it was the kind of supporting role that let someone really shine as an actress if they had the talent to express the depth within the character.

And she’d gotten a callback for it. Not an offer to take the role, sadly, but making it to the second round was still impressive for someone without any real breakout roles to her name. Metobabe was a big studio, and their films might not show in theatres but they were still well regarded and could get known actors. In fact, Nico had seen some of the other people auditioning, and she’d recognised more than a couple of them from TV.

It was obvious that she was going to gloat about it. With something like this, she couldn’t just keep it to herself, she’d pop like a balloon from trying to keep it in.

So she picked up her phone and dialed the first number that came into her head.

“Hello? Nico?”

“Kotori!” Nico said. “Guess what?”

“Ooh, a game?” Kotori said eagerly. “Um… you just finished cleaning your bathroom!”

“What?” Nico said. “Why would I be calling you about that?”

“Because you found my lost earring when you were doing it!”

“You lost an earring?”

“Well, not that I know of, but if you found it in your bathroom, I must have.”

Nico rubbed her temples. “I didn’t find any earrings.”

“Then… why are you calling me about cleaning your bathroom?”

“ I’m  _ not _ !” Nico snapped. “I got a callback! For an audition! With TV Tokyo Metobabe.”

Kotori gasped in a suitably impressed manner.

“Wow!” she said. “Are you going to be in their new movie?”

“Maybe,” Nico said. “It’s only an invitation to a second audition, but even getting that means I was picked over some people who I recognised from their roles.”

“...That’s really amazing, Nico,” Kotori said softly. “You really are talented.”

“Well,” Nico said. “I don’t like to blow my own horn, but- hey! Why are you laughing?!”

The conversation didn’t last long. Kotori had a shift soon, apparently, and Nico had caught her as she was getting ready. But even after the call ended, Nico couldn’t shake that something had seemed a little… off partway through the conversation. Kotori’s praise was sincere enough, sure, but there seemed to be an odd sort of sadness behind it.

Of course, Nico wasn’t completely stupid.

Kotori had gone to France to follow her dream to be a clothing designer. She’d attended a school for it, studied feverishly, and graduated with honors. And yet here she was, back in Japan, working as a waitress and hiding it from her friends.

There was only one reason why all those things would be true, and it was the same reason that she might feel a little wistful at Nico making progress towards her dream.

Nico sighed.

For over a month, she’d purposefully not asked anything. Had left Kotori to talk about when she was ready. She’d told herself that it was the considerate thing to do. Maybe it was. But part of her had started to put it off for reasons other than that. Because she enjoyed hanging out with Kotori, even _liked_ that it was secret, and only something she got to do, not the others. But she couldn’t avoid it forever.

* * *

“Hi Nico!” Kotori said, cheerfully when Nico let her in, stepping past her while lugging her bag full of boardgames.

“Hi Kotori,” Nico said, closing the door behind her.

“Something up?” Kotori asked, tilting her head. “You sound awfully serious.”

Nico sighed and sat down, and Kotori followed suit.

“...It’s been more than a month, Kotori,” Nico said.

Kotori froze, her hands tensing and tightly gripping the box she’d started to pull out of the bag.

“I didn’t want to say anything at first,” Nico said. “Because I knew you must have had your reasons. But we can’t keep lying to the others forever.”

“You’re not… lying to them, exactly,” Kotori said, averting her eyes. “You’re just… not telling them! There’s all sorts of things you don’t tell them, right? It’s no big deal!”

“Kotori…”

Kotori clenched the board game tighter and bit her lip.

“..I’m sorry,” she said.

Nico rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to  _ apologize _ ,” she said. “It’s not like hiding something from Honoka keeps me up at night.”

Kotori managed a little smile. “I guess you never did mind keeping things to yourself. Or hiding them from your “backup dancers”.”

Nico groaned. “Ughhh, you’re as bad as Maki. How long are you going to hold on to that grudge?!”

“You’re right, though,” Kotori said, quietly. “..I can’t do this forever. I know I can’t. But I… I just…”

“You didn’t want to actually be the one to change things yourself,” Nico said bluntly, and Kotori winced. “So you thought you’d sit back and wait until something went wrong and you didn’t have any choice but to come clean.”

“Well...” Kotori said, but she didn’t deny it.

“Alright. Here’s your moment, Kotori.”

Kotori looked down at her lap.

“...Everything was fine, at first,” she said. “I graduated from design school. I did an internship. I got to know people in the industry. But then when the internship ended, they didn’t hire me on. I talked to the people I knew, but no one was hiring. I tried to applying to want ads, but they all turned me down. I kept trying, for months, but… the lease was going to expire on my apartment there, and I hadn’t had any kind of job in the industry since I left the internship. I was barely paying my bills with retail jobs, and the rent was going to go up, and I’d have to work even more hours, and… I gave up.

“I couldn’t make it,” she said, her voice shaking. “So I gave up. Someone I knew from France mentioned that they had a friend who’d started a cafe in Tokyo, but was having trouble with the language and couldn’t find any bilingual workers. So I ran away, all the way back to Japan, and started working for him.

“I was too ashamed to tell anyone, so I just… let them think I was still in France. And once I’d started lying, there was no good time to stop. I haven’t even spoken to Honoka on the phone in months. I always tell her I’m busy.”

“Come on, Honoka of all people isn’t going to judge you for-”

“She won’t judge me, she’ll _pity_ me,” Kotori said, clenching her fists. “Her and Umi will be nice, and comfort me, but in the back of their heads, I’ll be the one of the three of us who failed. We won’t be equals anymore, it’ll be the two of them, the happy couple, and me, the loser.”

She looked at Nico desperately. “How am I supposed to face them like that?”

She looked down again. “Actually, Honoka wasn’t even the one I wanted to avoid the most,” she said.

“What? Then who was?”

“You,” Kotori said.

“ _ Me _ ?” Nico said, blinking.

“ You chased your dream for so long, Nico,” Kotori said. “You never gave up, no matter how hard it got, for  _ years _ . And I couldn’t even last two months.”

Nico sighed. Then she reached over and flicked Kotori’s forehead.

“Ow,” Kotori said, rubbing her forehead with both hands and pouting at Nico.

“Don’t be stupid,” Nico said. “Of course I gave up.”

“What?” Kotori said, blinking.

“I know Nozomi gave you guys some kind of carefully massaged sob story about how I worked all through highschool on becoming an idol, right?” Nico said.

“Yes…” Kotori said. “She said even though all your other members quit, you kept trying to recruit people, and kept practicing all on your own.”

“Didn’t you ever wonder,” Nico said. “Why, even though you and Umi and Honoka had been at that school for two years, you’d never heard of the school idol research club? Hadn’t ever heard of school idols at all until Honoka found out about UTX?”

Kotori furrowed her brow. “Actually, now that you mention it…”

“I gave up recruiting after about a year,” Nico said. “I only kept the club going out of spite, because I refused to let all the people who abandoned me win. And I hated all of you at first, because I was jealous and bitter and thought there was no way I could ever succeed, and I didn’t want you to if I couldn’t, not when you were so much les serious about it than I had been.”

Kotori stared at her in surprise.

“And in case you forgot,” Nico added. “I gave up on being an idol again. That’s why I’m an actress now. I’m not some infallible, ultra-determined juggernaut, Kotori. I failed over and over again, and in the end, I never made it solo as anything more than a footnote to μ’s.”

Kotori didn’t respond, still looking down quietly.

“You don’t have to keep trying to be a fashion designer,” Nico said.

Kotori’s eyes widened and she looked up at Nico. “But…” she said. “It was my dream. I told everyone-”

“Forget what you told everyone,” Nico said. “How many times did I say I’d be the number one idol in the universe, Kotori? How many times did I insist that I was going to be even bigger solo than μ’s ever was? How long did I dream of being the most famous idol ever?”

She gently tapped Kotori on the head with her knuckles. “If you can’t reach your dream, it’s okay. You can find a new one.”

Tears formed at the corner of Kotori’s eyes.

“..But I’ll be letting everyone down,” she said. “They were all rooting for me. Everyone wanted me to succeed.”

“Fuck ‘em,” Nico said. “It’s _your_ dream. It’s not for anyone else.”

Tears started to flow down Kotori’s cheeks.

“And if they say anything mean to you,” Nico said. “I’ll beat them up.”

Kotori smiled through her tears. “You couldn’t beat up anyone in μ’s, Nico.”

“What?! I could totally take Hanayo!” Nico protested.

Kotori giggled, and then her giggles morphed into sobs as Nico joined her on the couch and pulled her into a hug, letting Kotori cry into her chest.

How long had Kotori been holding this in, Nico wondered. Ever since she’d left France? Or even before that? Had she been wrestling with this ever since her internship had ended?

“Nico,” Kotori said, through her sobs. “Will you stay with me? Even if…”

“Of course,” Nico said, stroking her hair. “For as long as you want me here.”

* * *

Umi was pressing her fingers to her temples. Specifically, in that way she did when she was _really_ mad, as if she was physically restraining her head from exploding.

“You’ve been here _how long_?” she asked.

“Um…” Kotori said, poking her fingers together. “Eight… months...?”

“Eight months,” Umi repeated, frostily.

“Something like that…”

“And how long did _you_ know?” she asked, shifting her gaze to Nico.

“Does it really matter that much?” Nico asked flippantly, shrugging.

“Nico.”

Nico shrunk down in her seat a little. “Two months or so…” she mumbled.

Umi took a deep, slow, breath. Nico was pretty sure she could hear her counting to ten under her breath.

“Well, at least we know now, right?” Honoka said cheerfully. “Lighten up, Umi.”

Umi shot a glare her way, but Honoka, it seemed, had built up a resistance. 

“ And hey, it’s not like we  _ had  _ to tell you,” Nico said. “We could have just said Kotori just got back.”

“ You  _ also  _ could have told me  _ eight months ago! _ ”

“I’m sorry,” Kotori said. “I just… I couldn’t bear to tell you at first, and then once I’d started, it was so hard to stop…”

“...I guess it must have been hard to come tell us at this point,” Umi said. “Especially… especially if I was going to react like this…”

She looked a little shamefaced, the anger draining out of her.

“But, why, Kotori?” she asked. “I thought… I thought we were close enough that you could come to us when you were hurting.”

“...What?” Kotori asked, looking completely shocked. When Umi had been mad, she’d looked resigned to it, flinching in anticipation of her reaction before it had even happened. Now, though, she was caught off guard. Confused.

“You must have been really sad, right?” Honoka said, a crestfallen look on her face. “I wish you’d let us help.”

“You two…” Kotori said, tearing up again. “I thought you’d be disappointed in me…”

“Of course we wouldn’t be,” Honoka said.

“We just want you to be happy, Kotori,” Umi said, smiling sadly.

“Honoka… Umi…” Kotori pulled the two of them into a tight hug, tears rolling down her face. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…!”

Nico rubbed the back of her head and looked away, feeling a little awkward. She’d come here as moral support, but she was starting to feel pretty out of place.

Still, though, she was happy that everything had worked out. The second years had always had a strong bond, more so than any of the other year groups. Honoka and Umi were happy together, but they’d always seemed a little different since Kotori moved away. Seeing the three of them together again, Nico couldn’t help but feel it was more natural this way.

* * *

Kotori left not long after, promising that when she had a day off, they’d get together to catch up properly. Nico should have parted ways with Kotori, since Kotori was heading towards work and Nico towards home. But instead, she headed the same way as Kotori.

“Don’t get any ideas,” she said, when Kotori gave her a questioning look. “I just need to get something from the supermarket, is all. We’re just going the same way because of that.”

“I get it,” Kotori said.

“Good,” Nico said.

After a short pause, Kotori spoke up again.

“Nico.”

“What?”

“Thanks for coming with me.”

Nico scoffed. “Don’t worry about it,” she said. “It saved Umi yelling at me later. She would have been way less lenient if you weren’t there watching, you know.”

Kotori giggled, and reached out her hand, taking Nico’s hand in hers.

Nico considered protesting, but decided that, ultimately, she didn’t really mind.

They passed four supermarkets before Nico could bring herself to pull away and say goodbye.

* * *

When Kotori told the others that she was back, Nico had expected things to go back to normal. After all, now Kotori wasn’t as alone anymore. When she was bored, or lonely, or just wanted to hang out, she could meet up with Umi and Honoka. Or Hanayo. Or Nozomi. Kotori and Nico would go back to only meeting up once a week at most, and most of those times would be with all of μ’s together, not just the two of them. The strange little relationship the two of them had built when Nico was Kotori’s only friend in Japan she could talk to would naturally start to fade.

It was a little sad, but it was probably for the best, right?

Nico was trying to convince herself of that instead of practicing for a role when her doorbell rang.

“Hi Nico!” Kotori said when Nico opened the door, standing there with her board game bag as if nothing had changed at all.

“What are you doing here?” Nico said.

“You know, if you keep asking that, I’m going to get mad eventually,” Kotori said, puffing out her cheeks. “I came to hang out. With my friend.”

“You know what I mean,” Nico said. “You just made up with everyone, right? Shouldn't you be meeting up with them?”

“It’s not like I’m avoiding them,” Kotori said. “But today I wanted to come play boardgames with you.”

Nico sighed dramatically and turned away. “Well, I _guess_ I can keep entertaining you if you’re that bored,” she said. 

At least with her turned away like this, Kotori couldn’t see her smile.

* * *

This game was rigged. Nico would swear to it. Either Kotori kept swapping out her dice for weighed ones, or the rules were specifically designed to favour Kotori in some mysterious way that Nico couldn’t understand, because she should  _ not  _ be losing.

“I demand a rematch,” Nico said.

Kotori giggled. “I already won the best of three. And the best of five. And the best of seven. And the-”

“Best of eleven!” Nico said.

“I can’t,” Kotori said. “I have to go soon.”

“What?” Nico said, surprised. “I thought you didn’t have a shift today.”

“I don’t,” Kotori said, starting to gather up the pieces into their little bags. Westerners really liked little baggies, Nico was starting to notice. They couldn’t help including half a dozen of the things with most games. “I have class.”

“You’re taking classes? In what?”

“Costume design,” Kotori said, smiling. “I know about clothing making, but there’s a lot you need to know to make things for a performance rather than day to day wear.”

She closed the box and looked up at Nico. “I thought about what you said. And it helped me make the decision I think I’d wanted to make for a while, but I couldn’t bring myself to commit to. Even if can’t be a fashion designer, I still want to make clothes. And I think with all my work on idol outfits, costumes are a sensible choice, right?”

“Well, you have the Nico Nii seal of approval on your costumes being cute,” Nico said, resisting the urge to curl her fingers into her trademark gesture as the words passed her lips. “So anyone who doesn’t hire you must be an idiot.”

Kotori smile brightened. “Thanks, Nico,” she said.

Kotori had smiled a lot in the time they’d spent together since their reunion. Sometimes they were unreadable smiles. Sometimes they were a glimmer of levity even if there might be something going on beneath, a moment of happiness that was satisfying even if it was fleeting. But this smile had a contentment that Nico hadn’t seen so far.

It made her look more beautiful than normal.

* * *

Nico took a deep breath. Again. She’d tried this about ten times, and so far, the wondrous power of a deep breath letting you steel yourself and take the first step hadn’t materialized. She was still terrified.

It was amazing just how different it was going to a first audition for a big role and a second audition. If anything, the first one was _less_ stressful than a normal audition. After all, she didn’t really have to worry about getting it- she’d already planned around failing it, since that was the most likely outcome.

But a second round audition… that was pressure. There was a real chance of her getting it now. Serious productions didn’t invite people to a second round just to fill out numbers. If she was being auditioned again, it was because they were seriously considering just as likely to get the role as anyone else. She had everything to lose by screwing this up.

Another deep breath. It still wasn’t helping.

Her doorbell rang again. At this point, Nico was starting to just assume it was always Kotori, and this time she turned out to be right.

“Hey Nico,” Kotori said.

“Now’s not a good time to hang out, Kotori,” Nico said. “I have my audition for _Sounds of Home_ soon.”

“I know,” Kotori said.

“Then why did you-”

“Nico,” Kotori said seriously, reaching up and cupping Nico’s face with her hands. “You can do this.”

“I know I can-” Nico said.

“No,” Kotori said. “Really. You can.”

Leaning forward, she pressed her lips onto Nico’s, and Nico’s eyes widened.

When Kotrori pulled away, her cheeks were slightly pink. “That was for luck,” she said. “Now go get that role, Nico Yazawa!”

Still half dazed, Nico took that first step out of her apartment that she’d been avoiding for the last ten minutes. The steps after that one were a lot easier.

* * *

“ ...And with us tonight, we have Nico Yazawa, the actress who’s best known as Junko Komine in  _ Sounds of Home _ , and has just been confirmed to be starring in the upcoming film  _ Sand Through Her Fingers _ . Nico, it’s a pleasure to have you here.”

“Thanks, Mister Sakamoto. It’s a pleasure to be here.”

“Ughh, this is so embarrassing,” Nico said, wandering in from the kitchen with a plate in each hand. “I totally blew this interview. Turn it off.”

“I’m sure you were fine, Nico,” Kotori said.

“ I wasn’t,” Nico said. “It’s completely obvious that I’m nervous. Like, come on,  _ Mister Sakamoto _ ? He called me  _ Nico _ , I should have called him Toranosuke. I sound way too formal.”

Kotori took the plate Nico passed her as she slumped down beside her on the couch. “Well, I still want to see it,” she said.

“Is this torture or something?” Nico demanded. “Admit it, you’re mad that I won at the board game today and you’re punishing me.”

“It’s not healthy to punish your partner, Nico,” Kotori said. “And I’m not angry anyway.”

“Then why are we watching this?” Nico said, picking up the remote to change the channel.

“Because I want to see your lame side too,” Kotori said, turning to Nico and gently cupping her cheek, brushing away a spot of sauce on the side of her mouth. “I want to see you being cool. I want to see you being calm, professional and collected. And I want to see you blowing an interview because you’re nervous.” She smiled, her eyes softening. “I want to know every side of you Nico. That’s what it means to be in love, you know.”

Nico sighed, laying her hand over Kotori’s as she reluctantly put down the remote.

“Fine, but you have to show me the rejected designs for that outfit of yours that Rina Kujo wore on _Heartbreak Avenue_ last week.”

“Deal.”

Kotori slid her hand off of Nico’s cheek, taking her hand in her own as she turned back to the TV eagerly. And as Nico watched her happily eating, she found herself thanking fate that one day, after a long shift, she’d run into a director who had been so unreasonable, and that on the way home, she’d decided to get something to eat.

In the end, it couldn’t have turned out better.


End file.
